This talk is for everyone, not just homeschooling families. Homeschooling just allows you to take the time you need during a tragedy to deal with the issues as they come up, and take as long as you need to.
This time last year, I was on top of the world --- Doug and I were weekend coordinators for the Expo, and he was the brains of the team. He could always make everything work out and would never, ever get flustered. Nothing was ever too big to manage. I have a birthday party every year --- I'm always looking for an excuse to have people over. When Doug brought me a birthday cake (which he and the girls made for me) and I blew out my candles, someone asked me what I wished for. My answer (and I had forgotten this until someone recently reminded me of it), was, "Nothing". I have everything I could want.
Our family was on vacation on September 14, 2006 in Ocean City, Maryland. Doug and the older three daughters had gone out into the water, and were quickly swept away by a riptide. Doug could have gotten himself out, but heard his daughter call to him, at which point he turned around to go back for her. Doug and our second daughter Amy died that day, and our lives have been dramatically changed, as you can imagine.
The importance of a prayer life, even if it isn't perfect, is knowing TO pray, and the ability to pray for God's Will to be done, and to mean it. Really mean it. When someone asked me how I thought to pray at that moment when I saw my family in the water, I realized that I didn't think about what I should do --- I just did it without thinking. I went to the One who created the earth, including the ocean my loved ones were in. I knelt on the beach and prayed, "God, I know that you can easily take them out of the water, if that is your will. And if you want to know what I want, that's it. But, Your will be done."
Trust God as the "pilot, not the co-pilot". Imagine God driving the car --- your proper place is in the back seat, not trying to wrestle the steering wheel from Him. Be peaceful even when the car goes into a ditch! I know that God didn't bring me here to dump me. That isn't his way. His way is through peace.
Halloween night was the first "holiday" without Doug and Amy. I was doing pretty well walking around with the girls when, at one point, I looked up and saw all the girls in front of me and thought to myself, "Oh God, they should be here with us." And I felt the deep, deep sadness creep up from my stomach into my eyes, where it comes out as tears (I've learned a lot about crying). And then, I remembered two other prayer concerns --- one was for another new widow with 5 children, and the other was a man with cancer. "Lord, I accept all of this gladly and offer it up for those two people." Immediately the sorrow drained back down and away, and I was peaceful again.
A challenge to husbands: love your life, love your wife. Love your children. Love God above all. You would never have found Doug without a smile on his face --- NOT oppressed by the teachings of the Church. He embraced them. I was surprised by the news coverage. Why would his actions be newsworthy? He would have gone out for anyone. And I wouldn't have called him back. We did have a perfect marriage for 23 years. He never spoke a harsh word to me, and we never, ever had a fight. And apparently the person he was at home was the same person he was at work. I've had so many people come up to me and tell me what an excellent person he was and how well-respected he was in what he did.
A challenge to wives: embrace your vocation as wife. Imagine if he were taken today, would there be issues unresolved? Things unsaid? Apologies to be made? Would he know, in his last conscious moment, that he was the love of your life?
And to parents: you could lose your child today, or tomorrow. Or you could be taken. Make sure that your children know how much you love them. And understand the relationship you have with your children. Most of us think that they are OUR chldren, but they aren't. They are GOD'S children. We are just the babysitters! Imagine dropping your child off at a babysitter's house --- what would you say, what would you expect of that babysitter? You'd tell them to take really good care of your child until your return. And when you returned, you wouldn't expect the babysitter to throw a fit because you, the true parent, wanted to take your child home. You would expect the babysitter, no matter how much she loved your child, to rejoice that the child she loved so much was returning to her true home, to her true parents.
On a practical note, whoever is the bill-payer and paperwork person in the home, put everything on one simple sheet of paper --- account numbers and passwords, life insurance information and amounts, and location of copies of wills. Leave the Expo and go do it right now if you don't already have one. Then have the one who isn't the bill-payer put it where they will find it should the need arise. Then, give a copy to a family member in the event that you are unable to think clearly or at all.
Trust God. Simple, but not always easy. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
These past 9 months have been incredibly painful and sad, but very beautiful as I see how so many people have responded to our family, including many I had never met before. I had meals delivered nearly every day for 6 months! The memorial education fund that was started has grown to over $70,000! Men from the parish and neighborhood have been taking care of the yard and the maintenance of the home, including the finishing touches of the addition that we had just put on.
I know that I've been given a great gift --- to share in the suffering of Christ, and an opportunity to trust God with blind faith. I pray that I am worthy of the gift.
Trust God. Simple, but not always easy. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there. She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens. When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."
She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."
Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the Cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"
Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!
The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."
I think it would do all of us some good to say, "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."
God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Yes, I do love GOD. He is my source of existence and my Savior. He keeps me functioning each and every day. Without Him, I am nothing, but with Him.....
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)